Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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