What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
