Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
