i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
