Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
