dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
