1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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