Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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