Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
