i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
