Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
