The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
