the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
