how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
