i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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