i permit you to call me
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
