i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
