Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
