Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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