I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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