My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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