So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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