just come out here and I will go home with you...
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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