You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i love accidental penises.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
