i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
