There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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