I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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