I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
