NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
