Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
