my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
