Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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