So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
