So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
