I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
