Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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