We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
