He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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