Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
