So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
