Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
