The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
