Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
