He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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