So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
