Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
