i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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