i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
