she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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