my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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