Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
