we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Randomize
