something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
