nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
