U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
