she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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