Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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