Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
