I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
