i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
